My ice fingers reach for the flame
and vaporize before I can get burned.
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Anger
So I was sick, and pregnant, and worried about a deadly disease I thought friendly furry visitors might bring into the house. The house was a mess, and the kitchen especially. In short, I felt cornered, and there is nothing like feeling cornered to make one feel justified. It was more than I could handle, and therefore I needed to make the kids help out - only out of desperation. As I washed a plate, it slipped out of my hands. I was contemplating using force, and the unkind words that go with it, but I wasn't tense and angry. But for some reason, the plate slipping out of my hand reminded me of what I had seen some people do, when they were angry, and something small and frustrating happened. They would throw down the washcloth and fume, like it was somebody else's fault that the plate slipped out of their hands. At least the whole situation wouldn't have happened if they were the only ones affecting it.
The truth is, that I am just not that perfect. Situations come because of the choices I have made. Difficult situations come because I make the choices I make, and often I make them because of what I believe. I have strong values and beliefs, but too often, and embarrassingly, they require me to bite off more than I can chew, and I end up not being able to chew it all, by myself. I am constantly reaching a hand up for help from others, because I, myself, by the choices I made, have put myself in a situation where I need help.
As I thought of the slipping dish, I wondered at the incomprehensible ability of others to get mad over something like that. Then it struck. I was doing the same thing. I was blaming others' lack of help for my unhappiness in a situation. The question wasn't whether I was justified in desperate force, the question was, what would I have done in the situation if they were all 2 years old? I had unhappy choices before me, but fretting about the choices of another human being was not helping. Because we have control over our own choices, and we know (or at least assume) that others' have control over their choices, it somehow stands to reason in our brains, that we should be able to control others' choices. In reality, our control over our choices, would clue us in to the fact that they, and only they can control their choices. But, despite our pride to the contrary, we humans don't live in reality very often. We can highly influence another's actions, but that doesn't change the choices in their heart. Yet we find more justification in anger towards a human that "could" have made another choice, than we do for anger towards a volcano, that "could" have erupted another hundred years earlier or later. If we see circumstances we are thrown into by other human beings, as no more under our anger filled control than circumstances we are thrown into by natural forces, such as volcanoes, we will save ourselves a lot of ill directed anger. Humans are interesting, their choices can be influenced by others more than a volcano's choices can be, but neither's choices can be forced more than the other's.
Realizing that I was just emotionally using flawed logic to justify my anger, I snapped back to reality and realized the situation I was in was what it was, and feeling that others' "should" make different choices was only unwittingly throwing my happiness away. I took stock of my true options, and dealt with it. And despite my logic, was surprised to find myself happy and grateful! If you believe in "should" or "deserve" then you deny yourself a lot of opportunities to be grateful, and consequently a lot of opportunities to be happy. If a person in the Philippines, who just lost everything in a typhoon, and is dying of lack of clean water, felt that they "deserve" clean water, or that they "should" have clean water, they would not enjoy the true grateful happiness they do feel, when someone brings them clean water that they simply would not have otherwise. The frustration left, and I was grateful for what I had, not mad about what others' were not giving me.
And that was the significant part of the story. That moment of change. I got my happiness back.
Later, I went to bed, and the kids got so hungry they decided to play restaurant, cleaned the kitchen, decorated the dining room, cooked lots of food, made menus, and even let me order out to eat, and brought it up to me. But this was nothing compared to the happiness my change of heart had allowed me to once again enjoy, while I was washing dishes. So often we don't "let" ourselves be happy.
The truth is, that I am just not that perfect. Situations come because of the choices I have made. Difficult situations come because I make the choices I make, and often I make them because of what I believe. I have strong values and beliefs, but too often, and embarrassingly, they require me to bite off more than I can chew, and I end up not being able to chew it all, by myself. I am constantly reaching a hand up for help from others, because I, myself, by the choices I made, have put myself in a situation where I need help.
As I thought of the slipping dish, I wondered at the incomprehensible ability of others to get mad over something like that. Then it struck. I was doing the same thing. I was blaming others' lack of help for my unhappiness in a situation. The question wasn't whether I was justified in desperate force, the question was, what would I have done in the situation if they were all 2 years old? I had unhappy choices before me, but fretting about the choices of another human being was not helping. Because we have control over our own choices, and we know (or at least assume) that others' have control over their choices, it somehow stands to reason in our brains, that we should be able to control others' choices. In reality, our control over our choices, would clue us in to the fact that they, and only they can control their choices. But, despite our pride to the contrary, we humans don't live in reality very often. We can highly influence another's actions, but that doesn't change the choices in their heart. Yet we find more justification in anger towards a human that "could" have made another choice, than we do for anger towards a volcano, that "could" have erupted another hundred years earlier or later. If we see circumstances we are thrown into by other human beings, as no more under our anger filled control than circumstances we are thrown into by natural forces, such as volcanoes, we will save ourselves a lot of ill directed anger. Humans are interesting, their choices can be influenced by others more than a volcano's choices can be, but neither's choices can be forced more than the other's.
Realizing that I was just emotionally using flawed logic to justify my anger, I snapped back to reality and realized the situation I was in was what it was, and feeling that others' "should" make different choices was only unwittingly throwing my happiness away. I took stock of my true options, and dealt with it. And despite my logic, was surprised to find myself happy and grateful! If you believe in "should" or "deserve" then you deny yourself a lot of opportunities to be grateful, and consequently a lot of opportunities to be happy. If a person in the Philippines, who just lost everything in a typhoon, and is dying of lack of clean water, felt that they "deserve" clean water, or that they "should" have clean water, they would not enjoy the true grateful happiness they do feel, when someone brings them clean water that they simply would not have otherwise. The frustration left, and I was grateful for what I had, not mad about what others' were not giving me.
And that was the significant part of the story. That moment of change. I got my happiness back.
Later, I went to bed, and the kids got so hungry they decided to play restaurant, cleaned the kitchen, decorated the dining room, cooked lots of food, made menus, and even let me order out to eat, and brought it up to me. But this was nothing compared to the happiness my change of heart had allowed me to once again enjoy, while I was washing dishes. So often we don't "let" ourselves be happy.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
The first one to give in
Sometimes my husband and I get in fights. Every time he starts being nice to me even though I'm still angry and being mean to him. Then my heart is melted and I realize how good he is to be the first one to be nice even though we were angry at each other, and I want to be nice to him. Anger begets anger and love begets love. The trick is to give love when you get anger. The horrible feeling you get when someone is angry at you, especially someone you love, is not from the person. It is from the anger. Do not fight the person you love. Fight the anger. The most effective way of fighting anger is refusing to pass it on, refusing to let it use you as a host too. Return anger with love, and instead of letting the disease spread, it will reverse the spreading and the angry person always catches your contagious love. If you dislike someones anger, make it go away by loving them. Anger is decietfull and tries to trick you into thinking you're fighting it when you stand up for yourself or prove you're right, or something like that, but all you are doing is feeding the anger just what it wants, and you and those you love and your relationships are the casualties of it.
Anyway, every time he does this, I remember that it is him that starts the nice upward spiral, every time. And I promise myself that next time I will start it, because he is so wonderful to start it every time, and how could I have ever been mad at someone so wonderful!
But the next time, in the throws of my anger, I think, "But this time he really was insensitive to have said that!" or some other reason "this time" he is really wrong and I "shouldn't have to" be the one to be nice first because I "have a right to be angry." I also have a right to eat cavier, but I don't, because it isn't enjoyable!
And then he does it again, and I realize how silly I was to care that he hadn't been exactly my idea of perfect, and as I reciprocate his niceness and my anger melts, I once again promise myself that I will be the first one to be nice next time we get in a fight.
I thought perhaps it was unfair to him to always have to be the person who is nice first and reverse the downward spiral, but it isn't unfair because it is a burden for him and a free ride for me. It is unfair because he always gets the joy of being nice first.
Anyway, every time he does this, I remember that it is him that starts the nice upward spiral, every time. And I promise myself that next time I will start it, because he is so wonderful to start it every time, and how could I have ever been mad at someone so wonderful!
But the next time, in the throws of my anger, I think, "But this time he really was insensitive to have said that!" or some other reason "this time" he is really wrong and I "shouldn't have to" be the one to be nice first because I "have a right to be angry." I also have a right to eat cavier, but I don't, because it isn't enjoyable!
And then he does it again, and I realize how silly I was to care that he hadn't been exactly my idea of perfect, and as I reciprocate his niceness and my anger melts, I once again promise myself that I will be the first one to be nice next time we get in a fight.
I thought perhaps it was unfair to him to always have to be the person who is nice first and reverse the downward spiral, but it isn't unfair because it is a burden for him and a free ride for me. It is unfair because he always gets the joy of being nice first.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
War
If you are fighting against it, you are probably part of the reason it exists.
Nothing makes me feel like putting shoes on my children like people walking up and down the sidewalk in front of my house with picket signs telling me how bad I am to let my children go barefoot.
I am sure this is true for other people who disagree about other political, cultural, and even moral practices.
Nothing makes me feel like putting shoes on my children like people walking up and down the sidewalk in front of my house with picket signs telling me how bad I am to let my children go barefoot.
I am sure this is true for other people who disagree about other political, cultural, and even moral practices.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Missionary work
Mormons aren't good people because "You have to be Mormon in order to be a good person."
Mormons are good people because the religion is true and good people are attracted to truth.
Mormons are good people because the religion is true and good people are attracted to truth.
Friday, February 21, 2014
kids the best teachers
So I really really really wanted something. With as many kids as I have, this is not a good idea, unless you like disappointment. But I was going to be like everybody else, (or at least like I imagined they must be), for just this once.
I planned an impeccable approach. It took me days, but I balanced everything just right, and could see it happening. Right when I could almost touch it, despite my planning and extreme measures I had taken against it, my 5 year old decided to be completely uncooperative for no reason.
I had my cards stacked. I knew her and had taken every measure to make sure this would be what she too wanted. That she wouldn't be too tired, bored, thirsty, hungry, fidgety, or neglected! I had planned for everything!
I lost it on her.
I left the room, and as I pouted, I realized that I had thrown something away that I wanted even more.
As I rushed to my child's side, she smiled and it wasn't like she even forgave me as she hugged me with her trusting hands. She had never even felt a negative feeling towards me, despite my unforgivable behavior.
So often we lament that kids don't come with instruction manuals, but we thinking of it all wrong. We are not here to be perfect parents for our kids. If we were, we would, (I would hope), be much better at it than the vast majority of us are. Are kids are here to teach us, not from a book, but a very real lesson in hands on discovery learning. With their unconditional love and instantaneous forgiveness and utter lack of serious grudge holding, their compliance and lack of arrogance, unlike us, they are perfectly suited to be the teachers.
I planned an impeccable approach. It took me days, but I balanced everything just right, and could see it happening. Right when I could almost touch it, despite my planning and extreme measures I had taken against it, my 5 year old decided to be completely uncooperative for no reason.
I had my cards stacked. I knew her and had taken every measure to make sure this would be what she too wanted. That she wouldn't be too tired, bored, thirsty, hungry, fidgety, or neglected! I had planned for everything!
I lost it on her.
I left the room, and as I pouted, I realized that I had thrown something away that I wanted even more.
As I rushed to my child's side, she smiled and it wasn't like she even forgave me as she hugged me with her trusting hands. She had never even felt a negative feeling towards me, despite my unforgivable behavior.
So often we lament that kids don't come with instruction manuals, but we thinking of it all wrong. We are not here to be perfect parents for our kids. If we were, we would, (I would hope), be much better at it than the vast majority of us are. Are kids are here to teach us, not from a book, but a very real lesson in hands on discovery learning. With their unconditional love and instantaneous forgiveness and utter lack of serious grudge holding, their compliance and lack of arrogance, unlike us, they are perfectly suited to be the teachers.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Asking
Recently someone offended me. Too often this statement is true. But this time, I was so in the right, I had a right to be offended. There was no excuse for their behavior. I believe the only honest approach at this point would be to confront them with the incident. It would be unfair to our relationship and deceitful if I just harbored my feelings in my heart and fake smiled at them whenever I saw them, secretly knowing how horrible they had treated me and those I love. But the question is how to approach them.
Calling them on the insult, and letting my feelings gush out, was my first idea of what I would have to do to be completely honest with them, but the opportunity didn't present itself (this would have to be something I did alone in private), until I had another thought.
What if I just swallowed my anger? I could forgive and move on my merry way and be happy even if I didn't Immediately get a chance to confront them. Whether I had a right to be extremely upset or not, I sure didn't want to be unhappy for any length of time!
But what if this offense continued? What if they did it again? What if their evil intentions expounded and it got worse! Then I might regret not enduring my own anger for a whole day until I got a chance to speak to them.
Then I realized that, despite the horror of their trespassing, this was no different than all the other situations I preach about. I was right; I knew that. But however truly right I might be in the eternal laws of the universe, when I applied it to them, all that mattered is what they believed.
So I backed up and tried to make myself look at it objectively. What if, going out on a dead limb, they really didn't know how wrong they were, or worse, truly believed they were right. At this point with people I get sort of gaggy and want to cut off all contact, run away, and live in the middle of nowhere where people like this can't hurt me! I hate it that people tread on me and believe I am so wrong and that they are so right, that I should not be allowed to exist as I am. "Should not be allowed" I have trigger phrases that say, "Warning, this phrase is almost always incompatible with the cause of freedom!" and that is one of the big ones! Then I realized, in my self righteousness, that "should not be allowed" was the very idea of what I felt about what they had done.
So I took my holier than thou tutu off, and said to myself, can I accept and love them even if they believe they are right in this horrible thing? Can I look at this objectively? Can I realize that no matter what happens, I cannot really control the feelings in their heart? Can I "allow" them that freedom? Is there a freedom of thought in a persons' heart that I can't "allow"? If so, does it matter, as what I do or do not want to allow in another persons heart isn't something I can control, so believing that I shouldn't allow it, only affects me. I am the one frustrated by pounding my head against something I can't change. Would I change it if I could? Would God change it if He could? Can He?
So after I'd calmed down a bit, I realized it was MY problem, and chose (with much difficultly) to address it as such. - So you see, I have this problem, this particular way of being thought of, hurts MY feelings. It isn't that you are "wrong", it is that I am sensitive to that particular thing. Is there any way you could help me out by accommodating my oversensitivities?
So far, when approached like that, I have never had anyone refuse me.
Calling them on the insult, and letting my feelings gush out, was my first idea of what I would have to do to be completely honest with them, but the opportunity didn't present itself (this would have to be something I did alone in private), until I had another thought.
What if I just swallowed my anger? I could forgive and move on my merry way and be happy even if I didn't Immediately get a chance to confront them. Whether I had a right to be extremely upset or not, I sure didn't want to be unhappy for any length of time!
But what if this offense continued? What if they did it again? What if their evil intentions expounded and it got worse! Then I might regret not enduring my own anger for a whole day until I got a chance to speak to them.
Then I realized that, despite the horror of their trespassing, this was no different than all the other situations I preach about. I was right; I knew that. But however truly right I might be in the eternal laws of the universe, when I applied it to them, all that mattered is what they believed.
So I backed up and tried to make myself look at it objectively. What if, going out on a dead limb, they really didn't know how wrong they were, or worse, truly believed they were right. At this point with people I get sort of gaggy and want to cut off all contact, run away, and live in the middle of nowhere where people like this can't hurt me! I hate it that people tread on me and believe I am so wrong and that they are so right, that I should not be allowed to exist as I am. "Should not be allowed" I have trigger phrases that say, "Warning, this phrase is almost always incompatible with the cause of freedom!" and that is one of the big ones! Then I realized, in my self righteousness, that "should not be allowed" was the very idea of what I felt about what they had done.
So I took my holier than thou tutu off, and said to myself, can I accept and love them even if they believe they are right in this horrible thing? Can I look at this objectively? Can I realize that no matter what happens, I cannot really control the feelings in their heart? Can I "allow" them that freedom? Is there a freedom of thought in a persons' heart that I can't "allow"? If so, does it matter, as what I do or do not want to allow in another persons heart isn't something I can control, so believing that I shouldn't allow it, only affects me. I am the one frustrated by pounding my head against something I can't change. Would I change it if I could? Would God change it if He could? Can He?
So after I'd calmed down a bit, I realized it was MY problem, and chose (with much difficultly) to address it as such. - So you see, I have this problem, this particular way of being thought of, hurts MY feelings. It isn't that you are "wrong", it is that I am sensitive to that particular thing. Is there any way you could help me out by accommodating my oversensitivities?
So far, when approached like that, I have never had anyone refuse me.
Leadership
If you are the one making the calls, no matter how much they benefit those you lead more than yourself, you are the one who needs to be grateful for any and all compliance. You are a leader because those who follow you choose for you to be so. However beneficial it may be for them to follow you, if it is not out of choice, you are not a leader, but a dictator.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Love
Love is gratitude. To love someone is to be grateful for them.
Gratitude is letting ourselves be happy because of something.
When we are happy, when we allow ourselves to just enjoy and be happy because of someone, we love them.
Gratitude is letting ourselves be happy because of something.
When we are happy, when we allow ourselves to just enjoy and be happy because of someone, we love them.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Fun
If the definition of good is what makes you happy, then why do so many people equate doing what is right with doing what makes you miserable? If the only joy to righteousness is the competitive edge pride gives us in our self-righteous piety, what is the point of being good if we give it up? Without the corrosiveness of superiority, are we left with pure misery? Who would have the self control to endure it, without that added motivation? Who would want it? Is our purpose in life, if we are truly good, to be miserable? Why would we be predisposed to only be happy with what isn't good for us? What animal in nature has an instinctual urge to make itself more miserable? If something makes an animal miserable, it follows it's innate desire for happiness, and turns away from what is causing it misery, seeking out that which it enjoys the most. Like a bear to honey. Humans are no different than any other animal. "Men are that they might have joy." (II Nephi 2:25)
When we stop catering to our drunken pride, we are naturally more happy, as we can then hear and feel the joy that comes from goodness, in it's pure form. That which we fear will disappear with letting go, is there for us the minute the rest of the music isn't so loud. The word faith comes to mind. But perhaps this gentle happiness is not the only source available for us to feast our inborn desire for happiness.
I love exploring how people learn. I find it incredibly interesting to find new ways to make learning fun! But then I catch myself, why am I going out of my way to "make" learning fun? Is not learning fun in and of itself? If I didn't spend hours disguising learning as fun, would children or even people, learn without another form of coercion. And if not, how does our species survive? I find it hard to imagine that the distinguishing trait of our species is passed down from parent to child as this intrinsically unpleasant task that we must all force ourselves to do. And how would this knowledge have started? Does one really need to entertain the idea that maybe at the creation, God also gave first man the desire to pass on the necessity of unpleasant learning? Did God risk having the very act that the survival of the entire species hinges upon, learned, and assume it would perpetuate?
God created the world, with all it's Giraffes and Venus Fly Traps. We are God's children. Creativity is in our genes. When you take the opportunity for creativity, the freedom to make ones own choices, out of education, it looses a whole aspect of enjoyability. So much so, that even when one is able to enjoy the other aspects of learning because external rewards, guilt, and punishments aren't used to facilitate it, sometimes enough fun is lost that learning still isn't pursued.
This is true for other things as well. If you take the opportunity for creativity, the freedom to make ones own choices, out of work, it will lose a whole aspect of enjoyability, and even if the other intrinsically enjoyable parts are not overshadowed by external imposed rewards, sometimes work without creativity is just not fun.
I find it frustrating that all these years when I thought I was "teaching" my kids to work by overdirecting their tasks, I was really teaching them that work was boring. My common approach, that in all fairness to myself seems to be the prevalent approach of our culture (and perhaps many cultures), was to find some part of a task I was doing that didn't require decisions, thought, or skill, and let my kid(s) help me with it.
In the coursera course Video Games and Learning, (my favorite educational class I have ever taken in my life), it talks about how a game is not fun if it is too hard or too easy. This opened up my eyes to how important this is in chidren learning work skills. If it is hard to "get" the kid to set the table, maybe it is boring and they would enjoy cooking the food or even programming a game in order to make money to pay someone else to cook the food, instead. Yes, that means that work is always a learning environment, and by default, rather messy and not always done exactly right, (or even close). But is not parenthood always a learning environment as well, with much the same results? This life is to learn.
And ultimately, if you take the opportunity for creativity and the freedom to make ones own choices, out of being good or righteous, out of doing the right thing, then you take much of ones intrinsic desire to do good, away.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Everything before anything
Well you know how we decided that you needed to the dishes before you do anything well since you were so good at it now we have decided that we need you to do everything before you do anything.
How do I do everything before anything?
-Raised by sprouts
How do I do everything before anything?
-Raised by sprouts
Thursday, January 23, 2014
A Communication Revolution!
To celebrate this time of year, let's start a revolution.
So often we bemoan the govt. and laws.
So often we bemoan the inequality of money.
So often we think that some time in the future when we manage to get rid of all of these oppressing controls, we will be able to experiment with living in peace and happiness with personal communication taking the place of impersonal enforced rules.
But what if we didn't wait?
What if, instead of trying to get rid of a smothering government who takes too much business into their own hands ... What if instead of trying to figure out a way to redistribute money so everybody will have the same amount of voting power the almighty dollar gives us ... What if we instead started living without these things. I do not mean being voluntarist. I do not mean not to acknowledge laws or money ourselves. I do not think a revolution where we all just took what we wanted without paying for it would be kind even if it miraculously managed to be peaceful.
I mean not using the benefits of these things. Not asking for more by depending on them.
I once read a "nice thought for the day", that sickened, shocked and scared me, as only those who have been run out by "the govt." can probably understand. It said something along the lines of
"Make the world a better place.
Today:
Report an incidence of animal cruelty
Report someone misusing the carpool lane
Report someone littering
Report a child that could possibly be abused (so authorities can make sure that they aren't.)
If everybody who read this, did this every day, the world would be a better place!"
This was being sent virally over the internet between friends of mine (strangely childless friends or ones who weren't in that stage of life). It was worded nicer, but I couldn't help but wonder if it had started out as a joke, and then people missed the sarcasm.
But then I realized that people who do these things truly believe they are doing noble and good things to sacrifice their time to improve the lives of others (children and animals).
And I try desperately to get the image from some movie where children were being indoctrinated by Hitler to report their own parents for even being slightly sympathetic to anything not approved by Hitler - out of my head.
Instead, let us start a revolution NOT involving the govt. and NOT involving being ruled by money!!!
Let us start a communication revolution!
Instead of calling the govt. when your neighbor doesn't mow his lawn, or even when he is drunk and nude in his front yard, try cookies.
In some third world countries, when you get in a car wreck, you take cookies over to the house of the people you got in a car wreck with. It is amazing the effect eating cookies will have on the ability of people to come to happy solutions to their problems.
Instead of calling the cops on the people who leave their starving dog tied up all night in the freezing cold, instead of calling the cops on the person who insults you in some illegal way, or the person you suspect of child abuse, GO TALK TO THEM. ESPECIALLY those ones you "know" won't listen. See what you can do to help.
And take cookies.
Instead of charging people money for you to help them or work for them, start doing everything you can for free, and then some. Instead of buying stuff from big stores, tell people about the revolution to get rid of money, and ask them to give you stuff, not because you deserve it, or because they approve of your use of it, but simply because it will make them feel good.
Then go a step further and start asking businesses to give you stuff.
Stop using govt. and stop using money.
So often we bemoan the govt. and laws.
So often we bemoan the inequality of money.
So often we think that some time in the future when we manage to get rid of all of these oppressing controls, we will be able to experiment with living in peace and happiness with personal communication taking the place of impersonal enforced rules.
But what if we didn't wait?
What if, instead of trying to get rid of a smothering government who takes too much business into their own hands ... What if instead of trying to figure out a way to redistribute money so everybody will have the same amount of voting power the almighty dollar gives us ... What if we instead started living without these things. I do not mean being voluntarist. I do not mean not to acknowledge laws or money ourselves. I do not think a revolution where we all just took what we wanted without paying for it would be kind even if it miraculously managed to be peaceful.
I mean not using the benefits of these things. Not asking for more by depending on them.
I once read a "nice thought for the day", that sickened, shocked and scared me, as only those who have been run out by "the govt." can probably understand. It said something along the lines of
"Make the world a better place.
Today:
Report an incidence of animal cruelty
Report someone misusing the carpool lane
Report someone littering
Report a child that could possibly be abused (so authorities can make sure that they aren't.)
If everybody who read this, did this every day, the world would be a better place!"
This was being sent virally over the internet between friends of mine (strangely childless friends or ones who weren't in that stage of life). It was worded nicer, but I couldn't help but wonder if it had started out as a joke, and then people missed the sarcasm.
But then I realized that people who do these things truly believe they are doing noble and good things to sacrifice their time to improve the lives of others (children and animals).
And I try desperately to get the image from some movie where children were being indoctrinated by Hitler to report their own parents for even being slightly sympathetic to anything not approved by Hitler - out of my head.
Instead, let us start a revolution NOT involving the govt. and NOT involving being ruled by money!!!
Let us start a communication revolution!
Instead of calling the govt. when your neighbor doesn't mow his lawn, or even when he is drunk and nude in his front yard, try cookies.
In some third world countries, when you get in a car wreck, you take cookies over to the house of the people you got in a car wreck with. It is amazing the effect eating cookies will have on the ability of people to come to happy solutions to their problems.
Instead of calling the cops on the people who leave their starving dog tied up all night in the freezing cold, instead of calling the cops on the person who insults you in some illegal way, or the person you suspect of child abuse, GO TALK TO THEM. ESPECIALLY those ones you "know" won't listen. See what you can do to help.
And take cookies.
Instead of charging people money for you to help them or work for them, start doing everything you can for free, and then some. Instead of buying stuff from big stores, tell people about the revolution to get rid of money, and ask them to give you stuff, not because you deserve it, or because they approve of your use of it, but simply because it will make them feel good.
Then go a step further and start asking businesses to give you stuff.
Stop using govt. and stop using money.
Human rights
I am glad to see that there are so many people that know that human rights is not what we fought for at one time and is now over and done with, but a very real battle we are fighting right now.
What scares me though, is what gets shot in the crossfire.
What is a human right? No, I don't mean what is a right and what is a luxury. I mean what rights do people themselves want, and what opinions are touted as rights (usually accompanied by an out of context picture of a "poor oppressed person") by people who honestly think they are helping, because they imagine if they were that person, they would want that right. Sometimes our imaginations are more limited to our own experiences than we would like to believe.
I am not talking about not giving a lady the "right" to show her hair if she doesn't want to. Whether this is the most pressing civil right may be questionable, but having the right to choose to cover her hair, instead of being forced to, is actually very much a human right.
What I am talking about is people rallying for a cause that would say it was "giving her the right not to cover her hair" but in reality was forcibly taking away her hair covering. When people (I'm quite sure unintentionally, and only through misunderstanding of culture) take a persons right to choose away and call it giving them the right to do the opposite of what they were doing. We see it all the time in this country with children and education. Having the "right" to something means being able to choose, NOT being forced to do what another thinks is good for you or will make you happy. Can you imagine if we treated the right to religion the same way we treat the right of a child to an education?
I was living for some time in a country where the tradition was for the oldest children in the family to not get married and just work their whole lives in order to put the younger children through school and so the younger children could have lives and get out of the slums. Many people may see this as horrible that the older children are practically slaves their whole lives, and give up having a life. Many other people see this as sweet that a family is so close together that they will sacrifice their whole lives for each other to progress as an extended family (perhaps like wolves). What "many people" think is not important. What is important is what those who CHOOSE to do this, think. Freeing them from it, by throwing away their culture and making decisions for them (because we white Americans are so much better at making decisions than anybody else in the rest of the world), is not fighting for human rights. It is fighting against them. (Obviously, ideally, supplying them with what they would need in order for everybody in the family to get an education if they wanted to and live life unchained by working their whole lives for the family, would be a way to free up their choices without pushing our perhaps selfish culture down their throats. - though perhaps they enjoy having the chance to serve close family - perhaps we are the ones missing out on this "right" if we don't have extended family members who desperately need us to give up our dreams for them.)
Autism is another easy example. Seeing someone with Autism, feeling sorry for them, and deciding that it is a "right" to not have Autism, is a very kind thing to do. It is not a very good way to fight for a persons "rights" though. What if the person with Autism felt the same sympathy for people without Autism. (Oh, ya, I forgot, they couldn't, because what people with Autism feel is unconsequential - they have Autism after all!)
Nothing like putting pictures of people who are unaware of or don't agree with a cause, on billboards to raise sympathetic money in order to do research to test and exterminate those kind of people in utero. (Sadly, many, many kind people unwittingly help society "cure" Autism.)
It's funny, as long as we are fighting for rights for ourselves, we seem to do O.K., even when we are fighting for rights for people we truly know and understand as equals. But when we fight for rights for people that we unwittingly think of as less capable of making decisions as ourselves (people from "developing" - lol - countries, people with "handicaps", and children) we, as a whole, suddenly stop fighting for the rights of freedom for these people, and simply fight for the rights of us being able to be the ones to force them to do what WE think is good for them, instead of somebody else getting to force them to do what they think is good for them. It's doubly sad because it is all out of kindness. Do you really think that everybody that votes for truancy laws hates children and wants to take their free agency away? No, they simply are led to believe that they are "helping" the incapable-of-making-their-own-decisions children who would "gasp" choose something else otherwise!
In some states it is legal to unbuckle your newborn and put them between you and the steering wheel (complete with lethal airbag that will explode if you have even just a fender bender), and nurse them while driving. In some states it is legal to spank your kid as many times as you want as long as it is on their bottom. Would forcibly taking children from homes where parents did these things, be fighting for civil rights? Would it be fighting for freedom? If you don't have a choice is it supporting your rights? If the child would rather stay with their mother and be spanked 10 times a day, is it supporting THEIR rights to force them to do otherwise? Whose rights are we talking about when we say "civil rights"?
The sign language symbol for help is a fist with the thumb sticking up. The other hand is held palm up and open and pushes against the bottom of the fist. Every time I see this, I remember that help is really only help when it is directed by the person being helped.
What scares me though, is what gets shot in the crossfire.
What is a human right? No, I don't mean what is a right and what is a luxury. I mean what rights do people themselves want, and what opinions are touted as rights (usually accompanied by an out of context picture of a "poor oppressed person") by people who honestly think they are helping, because they imagine if they were that person, they would want that right. Sometimes our imaginations are more limited to our own experiences than we would like to believe.
I am not talking about not giving a lady the "right" to show her hair if she doesn't want to. Whether this is the most pressing civil right may be questionable, but having the right to choose to cover her hair, instead of being forced to, is actually very much a human right.
What I am talking about is people rallying for a cause that would say it was "giving her the right not to cover her hair" but in reality was forcibly taking away her hair covering. When people (I'm quite sure unintentionally, and only through misunderstanding of culture) take a persons right to choose away and call it giving them the right to do the opposite of what they were doing. We see it all the time in this country with children and education. Having the "right" to something means being able to choose, NOT being forced to do what another thinks is good for you or will make you happy. Can you imagine if we treated the right to religion the same way we treat the right of a child to an education?
I was living for some time in a country where the tradition was for the oldest children in the family to not get married and just work their whole lives in order to put the younger children through school and so the younger children could have lives and get out of the slums. Many people may see this as horrible that the older children are practically slaves their whole lives, and give up having a life. Many other people see this as sweet that a family is so close together that they will sacrifice their whole lives for each other to progress as an extended family (perhaps like wolves). What "many people" think is not important. What is important is what those who CHOOSE to do this, think. Freeing them from it, by throwing away their culture and making decisions for them (because we white Americans are so much better at making decisions than anybody else in the rest of the world), is not fighting for human rights. It is fighting against them. (Obviously, ideally, supplying them with what they would need in order for everybody in the family to get an education if they wanted to and live life unchained by working their whole lives for the family, would be a way to free up their choices without pushing our perhaps selfish culture down their throats. - though perhaps they enjoy having the chance to serve close family - perhaps we are the ones missing out on this "right" if we don't have extended family members who desperately need us to give up our dreams for them.)
Autism is another easy example. Seeing someone with Autism, feeling sorry for them, and deciding that it is a "right" to not have Autism, is a very kind thing to do. It is not a very good way to fight for a persons "rights" though. What if the person with Autism felt the same sympathy for people without Autism. (Oh, ya, I forgot, they couldn't, because what people with Autism feel is unconsequential - they have Autism after all!)
Nothing like putting pictures of people who are unaware of or don't agree with a cause, on billboards to raise sympathetic money in order to do research to test and exterminate those kind of people in utero. (Sadly, many, many kind people unwittingly help society "cure" Autism.)
It's funny, as long as we are fighting for rights for ourselves, we seem to do O.K., even when we are fighting for rights for people we truly know and understand as equals. But when we fight for rights for people that we unwittingly think of as less capable of making decisions as ourselves (people from "developing" - lol - countries, people with "handicaps", and children) we, as a whole, suddenly stop fighting for the rights of freedom for these people, and simply fight for the rights of us being able to be the ones to force them to do what WE think is good for them, instead of somebody else getting to force them to do what they think is good for them. It's doubly sad because it is all out of kindness. Do you really think that everybody that votes for truancy laws hates children and wants to take their free agency away? No, they simply are led to believe that they are "helping" the incapable-of-making-their-own-decisions children who would "gasp" choose something else otherwise!
In some states it is legal to unbuckle your newborn and put them between you and the steering wheel (complete with lethal airbag that will explode if you have even just a fender bender), and nurse them while driving. In some states it is legal to spank your kid as many times as you want as long as it is on their bottom. Would forcibly taking children from homes where parents did these things, be fighting for civil rights? Would it be fighting for freedom? If you don't have a choice is it supporting your rights? If the child would rather stay with their mother and be spanked 10 times a day, is it supporting THEIR rights to force them to do otherwise? Whose rights are we talking about when we say "civil rights"?
The sign language symbol for help is a fist with the thumb sticking up. The other hand is held palm up and open and pushes against the bottom of the fist. Every time I see this, I remember that help is really only help when it is directed by the person being helped.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Pride
If an unknown relative were to die and leave each of your siblings $50 and you $50,000 would you somehow feel that you were better than your siblings? Would this feeling of superiority extend to the point of a subtle frustration at your siblings for not being "as good as you" and having $50,000?
Why then, is it so tempting to think that if I have more money than someone else, that I am somehow better than them; that somehow I deserve more freedom than them.
Why is it tempting if I have more knowledge than another person, to think that I am more important than they are. Sometimes I even want others to be ignorant, because my superior knowledge would not give me appropriate frustration at their herd mentality if they were all as intelligent as I am.
Why is it so tempting to think that because I have a greater desire to be "righteous" that I am better than another?
Why, if I have more ambition, more determination, more self control, more self motivation, a stronger work ethic, more compassion, or am more responsible, do I think that I am somehow more deserving of love than another?
And even if we do not show hatred or contempt towards others who do not have what we are fortunate to have, sickeningly sweet benevolence is often shown. And seldom is this recognized by the giver as wrong. Is it not angelic of us to lower ourselves to help out the more misfortunate? Do we really need to lower ourselves to help out? Are we, in anything but our own delusions, really higher than another in any way? Is our supposed superiority so incredibly painful as to render it unpalatable unless we garnish it with pride? If something is really superior, would it not be truly more enjoyable, would it not intrinsically make us happier, without the need to boost our mirage of joy with feelings of pride?
"The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means 'hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.'" - Ezra Taft Benson
Terry Warner talks about how sometimes we want someone to react harshly to us because we so want to think of ourselves in our own minds as good. If we do or say something to someone that we are uncomfortable justifying to ourselves, and they react harshly to it, then we can grasp onto that and redeem our façade of perfection to ourselves. So by being scared to realize our mistakes and love ourselves and be nonjudgmental of ourselves and willing to realize that we can change - when we are scared to break our masquerade of perfection, we often WANT others to react harshly to us so we can add that justification to hold up our pretense. (Which by necessity must be very strong, as we must somehow fool ourselves.)
Can we not enjoy our knowledge, persistence, determination, morals, righteousness, health, intelligence, and wealth, because they, in and of themselves, are enjoyable? The tenseness of comparison, the strife of deserving something, is so potent, that it often masks the intrinsic enjoyment of something to the point that we really don't experience happiness through it, just the feeling of being right. Gratitude, however, can have the opposite effect on our ability to enjoy our gifts. It doesn't detract from our intrinsic enjoyment, rather it enhances and magnifies how enjoyable our gifts really are.
Why then, is it so tempting to think that if I have more money than someone else, that I am somehow better than them; that somehow I deserve more freedom than them.
Why is it tempting if I have more knowledge than another person, to think that I am more important than they are. Sometimes I even want others to be ignorant, because my superior knowledge would not give me appropriate frustration at their herd mentality if they were all as intelligent as I am.
Why is it so tempting to think that because I have a greater desire to be "righteous" that I am better than another?
Why, if I have more ambition, more determination, more self control, more self motivation, a stronger work ethic, more compassion, or am more responsible, do I think that I am somehow more deserving of love than another?
And even if we do not show hatred or contempt towards others who do not have what we are fortunate to have, sickeningly sweet benevolence is often shown. And seldom is this recognized by the giver as wrong. Is it not angelic of us to lower ourselves to help out the more misfortunate? Do we really need to lower ourselves to help out? Are we, in anything but our own delusions, really higher than another in any way? Is our supposed superiority so incredibly painful as to render it unpalatable unless we garnish it with pride? If something is really superior, would it not be truly more enjoyable, would it not intrinsically make us happier, without the need to boost our mirage of joy with feelings of pride?
"The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means 'hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.'" - Ezra Taft Benson
Terry Warner talks about how sometimes we want someone to react harshly to us because we so want to think of ourselves in our own minds as good. If we do or say something to someone that we are uncomfortable justifying to ourselves, and they react harshly to it, then we can grasp onto that and redeem our façade of perfection to ourselves. So by being scared to realize our mistakes and love ourselves and be nonjudgmental of ourselves and willing to realize that we can change - when we are scared to break our masquerade of perfection, we often WANT others to react harshly to us so we can add that justification to hold up our pretense. (Which by necessity must be very strong, as we must somehow fool ourselves.)
Sometimes when we have worked hard, and used our abilities to their fullest, our health or our superior intelligence, and our superior effort to be healthy or intelligent, then we feel we deserve to think of ourselves as better than others. But the very determination and sound reasoning that we use to push ourselves to our potential, is a gift.
"Perhaps thou shalt asay: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just—
are we not all abeggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?
And behold, even at this time, ye have been calling on his name, and begging for a aremission of your sins.
And now, if God, who has created you, on whom you are dependent for your lives and for all that ye have and are, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to aimpart of the substance that ye have one to another.
And if ye ajudge the man who putteth up his petition to you for your substance that he perish not, and condemn him, how much more just will be your bcondemnation for withholding your substance, which doth not belong to you but to God, to whom also your life cbelongeth"
"I am a a son of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten;
Can we not enjoy our knowledge, persistence, determination, morals, righteousness, health, intelligence, and wealth, because they, in and of themselves, are enjoyable? The tenseness of comparison, the strife of deserving something, is so potent, that it often masks the intrinsic enjoyment of something to the point that we really don't experience happiness through it, just the feeling of being right. Gratitude, however, can have the opposite effect on our ability to enjoy our gifts. It doesn't detract from our intrinsic enjoyment, rather it enhances and magnifies how enjoyable our gifts really are.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Reality
I know you are knowledgable,
But can you break open the sky with your facts?
Can you make reality waver,
As a million feelings of love consume the room?
I know you have immaculate research,
And your lit corridors are impeccably sterile,
But can you create peace out of the fabric of belief?
Can you liberate the being you stifle in your soul
That is more powerful than the world?
I know you can see the future,
and know the stars' probability of error,
But do you know their souls?
Can your soul look into my eyes
And know who I am?
But can you break open the sky with your facts?
Can you make reality waver,
As a million feelings of love consume the room?
I know you have immaculate research,
And your lit corridors are impeccably sterile,
But can you create peace out of the fabric of belief?
Can you liberate the being you stifle in your soul
That is more powerful than the world?
I know you can see the future,
and know the stars' probability of error,
But do you know their souls?
Can your soul look into my eyes
And know who I am?
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Lemon Pulp
When we first moved here, I went to warm the oven up, and lo and behold the inside was covered with probably 6 inches of bubbled up what looked and smelled to be like burnt sugar. I of course, had already turned it on, because I always look before I turn an oven on, except for when I am in a brand new location.
Luckily, in all the boxes, I found a bag of lemons. I don't know why my mom had sent me a bag of lemons right when I was moving, but luckily they got in with all the lost stuff I put in the car last minute. (Lots of stuff must have been lost, as the car got pretty full - in a full size van, nobody could put their feet down and most people had something on their lap.)
So I took a lemon and cut it in half (I don't remember where I found a knife in a house full of boxes.) and squeezed it all over the oven. I think I must have poured some water on it then too. Then I went to the neighbors house and begged off a scrubby. (My husband was gone with the car somewhere and we didn't have a phone hooked up yet, just how I like it, disconnected from the rest of the world!)
By the time I got back, the oven had barely cooled off enough to touch the hot water mess inside of it. I took that scrubby, and I don't know if it was the heat or the lemon or what, but that oven came cleaner faster than any oven I have ever tried to wash. I was addicted to cleaning with lemons.
So easily did lemons clean kitchen stuff, that I decided to expand their territory. My hair is thick and fine. That is, there is LOTS of it and each strand is very very skinny. It is what I like to call, naturally snarly. I can brush it all out, and lift the brush to the top of my head, and not be able to pull it all the way through my hair because it will have developed another snarl already.
I used to Have to shampoo and condition it every time I showered. Then I read about "no poo". After 2 weeks of really really gross hair, my hair stopped being "stick out straight out to the side of my head" frizzy, and I was addicted. I still used my favorite conditioner a couple of times a year. I do live with babies...
So I was out of my favorite conditioner. (They actually stopped making it :( ) And we were getting ready for church. I had already told my toddler to "just hop in the toilet really fast and wash off" and corrected my unreliable brain too late! So I had decided that this was one of the days in my life I was going to wash my hair.
Like I said, I was enamoured with lemons ability to wash things. And they couldn't be as bad for hair as shampoo, right?
Now, most people that I tell this story too, at this point start laughing. They then proceed to tell me of the lightening effect lemons have on the color of hair. The color of my hair was not the main problem with my results.
About halfway through the main meeting, while balancing three squirming kids on my lap, as I flicked a strand of hair out of my face, I noticed something. I pulled a larger clump of my hair in front of my face to see it better, then used the screaming baby as an excuse to make a hasty retreat to the bathroom. There I could see what I had done to my hair in all it's glory!
Every single strand of my unruly hair had little tiny bits of lemon pulp tangled into it; millions and millions of tiny bits of Lemon pulp!
You see, in my excitement of being "all natural", I had simply cut open a lemon and rubbed it into my hair. Maybe there is a reason normal "earth killers" (and I am one most of the time, when I don't have brilliant ideas!) use stuff in plastic bottles. Even bottled lemon juice would have been better, or a rag to wrap around the lemon and squeeze it through. For some reason I thought that the lemon itself touching my hair would magically make it beautiful!
After a good 15 min. of trying to pick "the most noticeable" bits of pulp out of my hair, with absolutely no improvement, I admitted defeat. Did I mention I had THICK fine hair? I realized that this was going to be a couple of hours long project at best. My choices were now, go home and miss church. Church is 3 hours long, but there was no way I was going to be presentable before it ended. Or stay at church with the lemon pulp in my hair, put on my stage presence, look people in the eye, and dare them to notice what I was oblivious to! This is actually easier than it sounds, for me, as I forget things almost instantly. If I wasn't looking in a mirror, I wouldn't actively know I had lemon pulp, lots of lemon pulp, all throughout my hair. The thing is, it didn't look like lemon pulp, it looked like a really really really really really bad case of lice!!!!!
I don't go to church for the other people there, so I'll let you guess what I did.
On a more practical note, I decided lemon, even without the pulp, wasn't the best thing for my hair. It does however clean everything else really well. I tried it with laundry, and it needs something else - oatmeal works well with laundry too. But my favorite natural cleaner that actually works - not one that I pretend works for a couple of months until it is all too obvious it doesn't quite really work... My favorite out of all the natural cleaners that I have tried over the years, is soap nuts. To really get the laundry clean, I put in some orange or lemon peal. (Unlike with hair, a whole lemon slice, pulp and all works wonderfully well.) For some reason grapefruit doesn't work well at all. I wonder if crab apples would (maybe mushed up?) as they make good pectin (the stuff that makes jelly gel) as well as the citrus fruits.
For the dishes, I take an old sock and put a couple of soap nuts in it and some lemon peal or slice, or a cucumber slice, twist the sock closed, then turn the left over top part inside out over it. This makes it easy to open and close, but it doesn't open when I'm using it. I then use it as a rag or sponge to wash dishes with. The lemon or cucumber helps cut the grease better than just soap nuts. The best thing about washing dishes with it is that you don't get yucky chemicals and an even yuckier taste if the dishes aren't rinsed off enough. With some chemical soap, especially the "beautifully scented" kind, it seems almost impossible to rinse the dishes enough to get that extra taste off!
I like using cucumber, because as green as I like to think a lemon is, it isn't local and the toll it's travel takes on the environment is real!
But my favorite thing to use on my hair now, is soap nuts. I still only wash it a couple of times a year, but I could probably do more with soap nuts without damage. It is SO soft and not traumatized when I get done washing it. Nothing else comes close to actually washing it without traumatizing it! I guess I have sensitive hair.
I keep on thinking I'll actually take the time to soak or boil some soap nuts to make shampoo or hand soap with, but that's not my reality. I just use the above mentioned sock method that I use for dishes (without the lemon, for some reason :) It works best if I let it soak in the tub with me and the baby first. Unlike normal soap, this doesn't kill my skin and burn me. Then I just ring it out on, and rub it into my hair. So Soft! (and a good way to get throw up and "other" niceties indigenous to parenthood, out of your no poo hair.)
Luckily, in all the boxes, I found a bag of lemons. I don't know why my mom had sent me a bag of lemons right when I was moving, but luckily they got in with all the lost stuff I put in the car last minute. (Lots of stuff must have been lost, as the car got pretty full - in a full size van, nobody could put their feet down and most people had something on their lap.)
So I took a lemon and cut it in half (I don't remember where I found a knife in a house full of boxes.) and squeezed it all over the oven. I think I must have poured some water on it then too. Then I went to the neighbors house and begged off a scrubby. (My husband was gone with the car somewhere and we didn't have a phone hooked up yet, just how I like it, disconnected from the rest of the world!)
By the time I got back, the oven had barely cooled off enough to touch the hot water mess inside of it. I took that scrubby, and I don't know if it was the heat or the lemon or what, but that oven came cleaner faster than any oven I have ever tried to wash. I was addicted to cleaning with lemons.
So easily did lemons clean kitchen stuff, that I decided to expand their territory. My hair is thick and fine. That is, there is LOTS of it and each strand is very very skinny. It is what I like to call, naturally snarly. I can brush it all out, and lift the brush to the top of my head, and not be able to pull it all the way through my hair because it will have developed another snarl already.
I used to Have to shampoo and condition it every time I showered. Then I read about "no poo". After 2 weeks of really really gross hair, my hair stopped being "stick out straight out to the side of my head" frizzy, and I was addicted. I still used my favorite conditioner a couple of times a year. I do live with babies...
So I was out of my favorite conditioner. (They actually stopped making it :( ) And we were getting ready for church. I had already told my toddler to "just hop in the toilet really fast and wash off" and corrected my unreliable brain too late! So I had decided that this was one of the days in my life I was going to wash my hair.
Like I said, I was enamoured with lemons ability to wash things. And they couldn't be as bad for hair as shampoo, right?
Now, most people that I tell this story too, at this point start laughing. They then proceed to tell me of the lightening effect lemons have on the color of hair. The color of my hair was not the main problem with my results.
About halfway through the main meeting, while balancing three squirming kids on my lap, as I flicked a strand of hair out of my face, I noticed something. I pulled a larger clump of my hair in front of my face to see it better, then used the screaming baby as an excuse to make a hasty retreat to the bathroom. There I could see what I had done to my hair in all it's glory!
Every single strand of my unruly hair had little tiny bits of lemon pulp tangled into it; millions and millions of tiny bits of Lemon pulp!
You see, in my excitement of being "all natural", I had simply cut open a lemon and rubbed it into my hair. Maybe there is a reason normal "earth killers" (and I am one most of the time, when I don't have brilliant ideas!) use stuff in plastic bottles. Even bottled lemon juice would have been better, or a rag to wrap around the lemon and squeeze it through. For some reason I thought that the lemon itself touching my hair would magically make it beautiful!
After a good 15 min. of trying to pick "the most noticeable" bits of pulp out of my hair, with absolutely no improvement, I admitted defeat. Did I mention I had THICK fine hair? I realized that this was going to be a couple of hours long project at best. My choices were now, go home and miss church. Church is 3 hours long, but there was no way I was going to be presentable before it ended. Or stay at church with the lemon pulp in my hair, put on my stage presence, look people in the eye, and dare them to notice what I was oblivious to! This is actually easier than it sounds, for me, as I forget things almost instantly. If I wasn't looking in a mirror, I wouldn't actively know I had lemon pulp, lots of lemon pulp, all throughout my hair. The thing is, it didn't look like lemon pulp, it looked like a really really really really really bad case of lice!!!!!
I don't go to church for the other people there, so I'll let you guess what I did.
On a more practical note, I decided lemon, even without the pulp, wasn't the best thing for my hair. It does however clean everything else really well. I tried it with laundry, and it needs something else - oatmeal works well with laundry too. But my favorite natural cleaner that actually works - not one that I pretend works for a couple of months until it is all too obvious it doesn't quite really work... My favorite out of all the natural cleaners that I have tried over the years, is soap nuts. To really get the laundry clean, I put in some orange or lemon peal. (Unlike with hair, a whole lemon slice, pulp and all works wonderfully well.) For some reason grapefruit doesn't work well at all. I wonder if crab apples would (maybe mushed up?) as they make good pectin (the stuff that makes jelly gel) as well as the citrus fruits.
For the dishes, I take an old sock and put a couple of soap nuts in it and some lemon peal or slice, or a cucumber slice, twist the sock closed, then turn the left over top part inside out over it. This makes it easy to open and close, but it doesn't open when I'm using it. I then use it as a rag or sponge to wash dishes with. The lemon or cucumber helps cut the grease better than just soap nuts. The best thing about washing dishes with it is that you don't get yucky chemicals and an even yuckier taste if the dishes aren't rinsed off enough. With some chemical soap, especially the "beautifully scented" kind, it seems almost impossible to rinse the dishes enough to get that extra taste off!
I like using cucumber, because as green as I like to think a lemon is, it isn't local and the toll it's travel takes on the environment is real!
But my favorite thing to use on my hair now, is soap nuts. I still only wash it a couple of times a year, but I could probably do more with soap nuts without damage. It is SO soft and not traumatized when I get done washing it. Nothing else comes close to actually washing it without traumatizing it! I guess I have sensitive hair.
I keep on thinking I'll actually take the time to soak or boil some soap nuts to make shampoo or hand soap with, but that's not my reality. I just use the above mentioned sock method that I use for dishes (without the lemon, for some reason :) It works best if I let it soak in the tub with me and the baby first. Unlike normal soap, this doesn't kill my skin and burn me. Then I just ring it out on, and rub it into my hair. So Soft! (and a good way to get throw up and "other" niceties indigenous to parenthood, out of your no poo hair.)
This is the cheapest I have found them! It is pieces instead of whole ones, which, if there is a difference, these would be better, as the soap comes off in water, and this gives more surface area. It came in a cardboard box with 2 plastic bags as shown full of soap nuts, and that one little book. I was pleasantly surprised at the lack of additional packaging. Well over a year later, we still haven't depleted our supply, and we are a LARGE family that uses them for pretty much all cleaning. Think of all those plastic bottles!
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Pistachios
The kids love pistachios. We get them without the shells on sometimes, but the kids like them better with the shells. They are right. It is really more fun to pull the shell apart, eat the pistachio, and then suck on the salty shell.
This leads to pistachio shells showing up on the floor or in the couch cushions and other places where you least expect them. And... in the toddler's mouth.
I took the one year old and broke a pistachio open. The nut clung to one of the two shell halfs. I held out both in my hand. He took first the one without the seed, stuck it in his mouth, and played with it. Then he took the half with the seed, stuck it in his mouth, and a look of pleasant surprise filled his eyes. He tried to maneuver the shell around and chew the seed, and ended up with a little of both. Then he spit the shell covered with pistachio pulp filled saliva, out.
I then separated both sides of the shell and the seed, holding all 3 out in my hand. He immediately took the seed, leaving the shells.
Then I again separated just the shell in two, leaving the seed clinging to one shell. He took his little fingers, perfect for the task, dug the seed out, ate it, and to my surprise, threw the shell in the garbage!
Then I gave him a whole pistachio, shell and all. He gave it back to me, begging me to open it for him.
I no longer worry about him choking on a random pistachio shell he finds and puts in his mouth. When he finds a pistachio shell, he brings it to me begging, wanting me to somehow magically put a seed into it. And when we have a fresh stock of pistachios, I can.
This leads to pistachio shells showing up on the floor or in the couch cushions and other places where you least expect them. And... in the toddler's mouth.
I took the one year old and broke a pistachio open. The nut clung to one of the two shell halfs. I held out both in my hand. He took first the one without the seed, stuck it in his mouth, and played with it. Then he took the half with the seed, stuck it in his mouth, and a look of pleasant surprise filled his eyes. He tried to maneuver the shell around and chew the seed, and ended up with a little of both. Then he spit the shell covered with pistachio pulp filled saliva, out.
I then separated both sides of the shell and the seed, holding all 3 out in my hand. He immediately took the seed, leaving the shells.
Then I again separated just the shell in two, leaving the seed clinging to one shell. He took his little fingers, perfect for the task, dug the seed out, ate it, and to my surprise, threw the shell in the garbage!
Then I gave him a whole pistachio, shell and all. He gave it back to me, begging me to open it for him.
I no longer worry about him choking on a random pistachio shell he finds and puts in his mouth. When he finds a pistachio shell, he brings it to me begging, wanting me to somehow magically put a seed into it. And when we have a fresh stock of pistachios, I can.
Free your kids
There is a wonderful page on facebook called Free Your Kids https://www.facebook.com/freeyourkids
This is only one of this father's wonderfully written thoughts!
"What if I admitted to you that it's scary? What if I told you that many days I get tired of being different? What if I confided in you that poking the tiger often leaves me feeling unbalanced and out-of-sorts? What if I told you that, sometimes, I want to shovel the dirt back into the rabbit hole?
What if I told you that critically examining every piece of information I'm presented with leaves me... drained? What if I told you that I sometimes wish to lower my head and rejoin the safety of the flock? What if I told you that re-examining and critiquing every custom and belief I had instilled in me as a child leaves me feeling insecure and frightened?
What if I told you I must find the truth no matter where it lies? What if I told you that I can't turn it off, that I can't disengage, that I can't simply decide to become "normal" again? What if I told you that, for me, knowing the truth and living my ideals trumps any temporary desire to soothe my soul with platitudes?
What if I told you that living freely doesn't come easy? What if I told you that questioning everything scares the hell out of me? What if I told you my biggest fear was losing everything I had because I failed to conform? What if I told you that following this path is lonely and confusing?
But what if I told you I can't stop? And furthermore, what if I told you I couldn't stop even if I knew for certain that every one of my fears would come to pass? What if I told you that, no matter what, I can't and won't put the genie back in the bottle?"
What if I told you that critically examining every piece of information I'm presented with leaves me... drained? What if I told you that I sometimes wish to lower my head and rejoin the safety of the flock? What if I told you that re-examining and critiquing every custom and belief I had instilled in me as a child leaves me feeling insecure and frightened?
What if I told you I must find the truth no matter where it lies? What if I told you that I can't turn it off, that I can't disengage, that I can't simply decide to become "normal" again? What if I told you that, for me, knowing the truth and living my ideals trumps any temporary desire to soothe my soul with platitudes?
What if I told you that living freely doesn't come easy? What if I told you that questioning everything scares the hell out of me? What if I told you my biggest fear was losing everything I had because I failed to conform? What if I told you that following this path is lonely and confusing?
But what if I told you I can't stop? And furthermore, what if I told you I couldn't stop even if I knew for certain that every one of my fears would come to pass? What if I told you that, no matter what, I can't and won't put the genie back in the bottle?"
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