The first one to give in

Sometimes my husband and I get in fights. Every time he starts being nice to me even though I'm still angry and being mean to him. Then my heart is melted and I realize how good he is to be the first one to be nice even though we were angry at each other, and I want to be nice to him. Anger begets anger and love begets love. The trick is to give love when you get anger. The horrible feeling you get when someone is angry at you, especially someone you love, is not from the person. It is from the anger. Do not fight the person you love. Fight the anger. The most effective way of fighting anger is refusing to pass it on, refusing to let it use you as a host too. Return anger with love, and instead of letting the disease spread, it will reverse the spreading and the angry person always catches your contagious love. If you dislike someones anger, make it go away by loving them. Anger is decietfull and tries to trick you into thinking you're fighting it when you stand up for yourself or prove you're right, or something like that, but all you are doing is feeding the anger just what it wants, and you and those you love and your relationships are the casualties of it.

Anyway, every time he does this, I remember that it is him that starts the nice upward spiral, every time. And I promise myself that next time I will start it, because he is so wonderful to start it every time, and how could I have ever been mad at someone so wonderful!
But the next time, in the throws of my anger, I think, "But this time he really was insensitive to have said that!" or some other reason "this time" he is really wrong and I "shouldn't have to" be the one to be nice first because I "have a right to be angry." I also have a right to eat cavier, but I don't, because it isn't enjoyable!
And then he does it again, and I realize how silly I was to care that he hadn't been exactly my idea of perfect, and as I reciprocate his niceness and my anger melts, I once again promise myself that I will be the first one to be nice next time we get in a fight.
I thought perhaps it was unfair to him to always have to be the person who is nice first and reverse the downward spiral, but it isn't unfair because it is a burden for him and a free ride for me. It is unfair because he always gets the joy of being nice first.