Gummy men

This is a story I have heard several versions of, I just can't find it...
So here is my retelling, and if anybody knows where I can find it or what it is called, please tell me!


Once upon a time there was a beautiful peaceful city called The City of Gummy Bears.  This was because that is who lived there.  Eventually, their peaceful existence was bound to come to an end, as their whereabouts was discovered, and people wanted to come and have all the wonderful things that they as Gummy Bears owned. 


A Gummy Scout came running in to tell the Gummy Queen about a ferocious army from the North, riding on Polar Bears and leaping up and down ice mountains in it's unrelentless trek straight for the Gummy Palace.  Before he had left, a Gummy Scout from the west came to report on an army astride giant Rattle Snakes, slithering through the dunes formed by the desert sands, determined to conquer the Land of the Gummies!  And before the exhausted scout could catch his breath, another Gummy Scout, this one from the East, came to report that not many days journey away, a giant army that he couldn't see the end of, of practically cities on top of Giant Elephants, was steadily marching towards The City of Gummy Bears.  And then the last Gummy Scout staggered in from the south to tell of an even bigger army full of trained cats, Lions, Tigers, and Jaguars!


So the Queen of the Gummy Bears called in her 4 Gummy Generals, the bravest and Strongest of all the Gummy Bears, and she sent one Gummy General in each direction, to ward off these ferocious armies.


So the first Gummy General took off north to defeat those Polar Bears, but his Gummy men got lost in the snow, (though they ate quite a bit of it, delicious!)


The second General took of West to assault the Rattle Snakes, but his Gummy men got buried in the sand (and it took them weeks to dig themselves out). 


The third General went East to stem the tide of Elephants, but got lost in the tall grass, (and some even had to be pulled out of a mud puddle).


Now the forth General was by far braver and stronger than all the other General's put together, so he took his Gummy men swinging through the trees, but so thick was the foliage, that he passed within inches of the Cat army, (and even between some of their paws), without even knowing it.


So, despite the Gummy armies best efforts, the 4 armies from the 4 corners of the world marched (and slithered, and leaped, and slunk on padded feet) on.


The Gummy queen had ordered everybody underground in the beautiful and giant cave under the castle, where glowing crystal made it look like a fairy land.  So when the 4 armies arrived there was no one in site.


The Polar Bears, the Rattle Snakes, the Giant Elephants, and the Army of Cats, all happened to arrive at the City of Gummy Bears, at exactly the same moment.  Looking across the deserted land, the Polar Bears suddenly started to shiver, although they never got cold.  They didn't know the Gummy Bears had an army of Snakes, Giant Elephants, and assorted Cats!


Opposite them, the Army of Cats started to kneed the ground in nervousness, there were 3 giant armies of Polar Bears, Snakes, and worst of all Giant Elephants!


The snakes didn't have to look long to discover they were outnumbered, and not just by any army, by three huge armies consisting of Bears and Elephants and an incredibly large number of different kinds and sizes of Cats (some of them like the Bengal Tiger were quite huge!)


And, although Huge and seemingly numberless, and undeterrable by any army, the army of Giant Elephants wasn't undeterrable by THREE different armies, at least these are the thoughts that went through their chieftains heads as they looked at the 3 formidable armies consisting of Rattle Snakes, Polar Bears, and Cats they could see outnumbered only by the cats slinking in the shadows, that they couldn't see!


All at once, all 4 armies simultaneously called a hasty retreat!  And such were the legends told in each corner of the world about the armies of the Gummy Bears, that never again was anybody brave (or foolish) enough to try to conquer them again.


And along about Spring time, the Victorious Gummy Armies, headed by the 4 Brave Generals, returned back home, and there was a huge victory party thrown for them.

And this is what I think about when I think my ideas are the best. 

You see, strong people may think the world should be ruled by strength.  Smart people may think it should be ruled by intelligence.  Creative people, by creativity, and innovative people by innovations.  So when I go off on my utopia of a world where there are no laws, and no rules to give someone more of a right to possessions.  When I think that if only people would communicate with each other, instead of relying on laws enforced by police - whether the laws were made by the people or not - I have to remember that maybe it is because I think communication is a good thing to learn.  Maybe there are people out there who are glad they can call Child Protective Services when they are not quite sure a parent is parenting how they would have in that situation, or Animal Control if a dog is in their yard.  Maybe there are people who want to be able to call the police if a stranger enters "their" house in the middle of the night, and not have to "talk him out of it".  So who am I to force freedom on people who would prefer it a different way.  Am I no different than one of the armies approaching the Gummy Bear City?  I dream of a utopia of negotiation, but is that everybody's dream?  A shy large man with lots of muscles may find it unfair to be forced to talk to people about what he wants.  It may be as painful and impossible for him, as arm wrestling to get what one wants, would be unfair for a slight week person who was incredible at negotiation.  Maybe some people are better at getting votes, than convincing people individually.  Should I make it my goal to force them to live in a world where communication is constantly mandatory?  Should any of us be forced to live in a world where laws rule, regardless of right and wrong.  Where people are unduly encouraged to "let the authorities deal with it" instead of human contact?  What IS a utopia?

I want to do

something that I am good at,
that I enjoy,
that will give other's joy.




- smelling the butterflies

School

Recently I took a wonderful class on coursera!  If you want you can turn in participation and get credit for taking the class.  I think it costs something like $100 to get a signed certificate that you took the class. 


But I didn't have time to figure out how to turn in all the homework, and I didn't take it because I wanted someone else to know I had taken it.


I took it because I wanted to learn.


I would have to say, of all the classes I have ever taken, it was the most educational.


So what is school?


Is it a set of rules and tests to see if you followed them well enough to get enough credit to be looked at to get hired for a job?


To me, my learning, my reasoning for going to school was to learn.  And that is what I got from it.


If they had been teaching something I could have learned another way, from a book or a video game, or from talking to friends, then that is where I would have gone for the information, not to school.


I do not send my kids to school.  But I am very much for free public school!  I have often lauded the opportunity there is in this country to go to school for free!  But do we have free schools in the U.S.A.?  Are our schools places where  people can go to learn?  Where people go to get knowledge they can't get better and easier someplace else?


Do our public schools give us knowledge or tell us what knowledge to get?  Do they open our minds and help us discover new ways of learning we wouldn't have thought of on our own, so we can open the floodgates of the unknown and drink in the depths of understanding?  Or do they restrict how we are allowed to learn and tell us not only what we "must" learn, but where and how we must find that knowledge.  Are these really, by definition, schools?   Places to measure and keep track of learning?  Yes.  Places to create competition over limited types of learning?  To be sure.  But "schools"?  Places we can go to discover what we never would have known otherwise?  I think not.


Now, there are many schools in other parts of the world, that do serve this purpose.  Even here in the U.S.A.,  there are likely places where what a child discovers in school, cannot be had other places, given their situation in life. 


If the only person I knew who could tell me what the words on a page meant, was a teacher at school, I would gladly walk 10 miles there and 10 miles back each day.  Some kids do. 

             "there are no classrooms.  There are no desks.  It doesn't matter.  There is a teacher,"




Thankfully we have a place that is free to everybody no matter their age, that provides boundless information in increasingly innovative ways.  The Public Library.

                                                           That Book Woman

My kids' happiness

Sometimes my kids do something that mortifies me.  Usually it has to do with respect or unselfishness towards other people, especially their elders and people younger than them.  I want to somehow communicate to them how important it is to love and respect.  But is this concept of "you aren't 'good' unless you are nice" what I really want to teach them?  Do I want them to know that I think "less" of them when they are rude?  Do I want them to know how much more righteous I am, than them, because "when I was there age ...."?  Or do I want them to feel the intrinsic joy of seeing a softly held back smile sneak out of the shy face of an old lady as they make her day?

I love competitiveness, but is "goodness"  a competition?  Do I get my reward from being good the same way I get it from outsmarting a brainteaser?  Do I get my reward from anything from the beautiful inner joy of feeling wonderful, or only as I compare to others - or some imaginary scale I made up?  Even if I'm only comparing myself to myself, is my happiness only from how I measure up?

Then my teenager, when I'm least expecting it, when I'm not tired and judgmental and thinking "he should!" thoughts, stops in the middle of an online epic battle and asks my mom what he can do to help.  

Is the beauty of a moment like this worth it's rarity?  Is it worth waiting for?  If I had raised my kids differently, I could have coerced him into helping all the time.  Is this one true pure act of helping because he truly feels it inside and wants to, worth a hundred kind acts he might have otherwise performed out of the pride of "being good"?

To me it is.

Is it really about how "good" he is, or about how happy he is?  Being good IS being truly happy.  Not a superior feeling of being better than some idea of how things "should" be, but a happy glow inside.  The word authentic comes to mind. 

Zuko	Why can't I do it? Instead of lightning it keeps blowing up in my face... like everything always does.
Iroh	I was afraid this might happen. You will not be able to master lightning until you have dealt with the turmoil inside you.
Zuko	What turmoil?
Iroh	Zuko, you must let go of your feelings of shame if you want your anger to go away.
Zuko	But I don't feel any shame at all. I'm as proud as ever.
Iroh	Prince Zuko, pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.

The Last Airbender season 2 ch. 9 "Bitter Work"


When we think our happiness is dependent on how we measure up on the "righteous scale", we not only rob ourselves of the subtle and underlying taste of true happiness,  but we judge others as we judge ourselves.  Pointing our fingers and mocking at their lack of righteousness,  we hold out a barbed hand to rescue them.  But if they truly followed our idea of perfection, would we enjoy it?  Would we enjoy the lack of someone to ridicule?  The lack of someone to "help!" 

"And it came to pass that I beheld a ^atree, whose ^bfruit was desirable to make one ^chappy.
And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great ^ajoy;
And I beheld a great and ^bspacious building
 filled with people, both old and young, both male and female; and their manner of dress was exceedingly fine; and they were in the ^aattitude of ^bmocking and pointing their fingers towards those who had come at and were partaking of the fruit.

  And after they had ^atasted of the fruit they were ^bashamed, because of those that were ^cscoffing at them; and they ^dfell away into forbidden paths and were lost.

And great was the multitude that did enter into that strange building. And after they did enter into that building they did point the finger of ^ascorn at me and those that were partaking of the fruit also; but we heeded them not."
(I Nephi ch. 8)

One Sunday as I opened the heavy soundproof door of the Chapel, my toddler spun across the room as only a three year old can, and made sound contact with the edge of the door.  I hadn't pulled it open very swiftly, and I hadn't realized how fast she must have been spinning, so at first I didn't know how badly she had been hurt.   Her ear splintering screams, however, immediately testified as to how mistaken I was!

I rushed her to the kitchen where I desperately tried to get her to let me put ice on it, closing the doors as I knew only too well that she was all anybody could really hear as the meeting started.

Seeing my friend in her car just outside the door, I took my child in my arms and went to see if she had anything that would help calm my daughter enough to endure what I deemed as the necessity of ice.  

Just outside the door I bent down again to try to hold the ice against the rapidly growing lump on her forehead, hoping it wouldn't split open.  And that is when a concerned lady stuck her head out of the door and said in all the splendor of her concern for the insult of the child, "Did you ever consider that she might be crying because it's cold outside!" and then disappeared with a humph (I had previously always wondered what this would look like in real life, lol, but she really did it!) before I would have time to dare respond to her exceeding wisdom.

Sugar, as any drug, is wonderful when used appropriately, and calmed with a chocolate coin, my daughter got her head iced and her concussion eventually wore off.  We were very worried at first, but then I had time to worry more about my feelings towards this lady.  I so wanted to forgive her, but I didn't know how.

Wasn't I a freedom fighter?  Would giving her some slack lessen my stand against judging people.  We never really know what is happening when we look in on a situation, from the outside.

So many times I have discussed with like minded friends online the importance of standing up for children.  That is all she had really been doing.  But my bitterness towards her wasn't just for being grossly misjudged.  (Did she really think I was perhaps punishing my wildly protesting child by making her stand out in the cold?)  But what if I had been?  What if I had been that evil and bad?  I have seen less than kind parents in public places like the grocery store, and I have known very well that it was the parent more so than the child, that needed my love.  If I drew attention to the judged inadequacy of their love for their child (which we all can unquestionably tell by a persons parenting skills),  I knew very well that child would be beaten and blamed for the embarrassment later on.   So I had no illusion that this lady was really trying to help.  Perhaps she had that illusion, though.

Then it hit me!  I could only feel greater sorrow for her circumstance than for mine.  Her response was ignited by a true belief way deep down in her soul, that her self worth was inseparably dependent on how "good" of a mother she was.  A deep scar that I knew only too well myself.  A battle I fought desperately in the dark hours when the state of the house was such that I thought I deserved for CPS to take my children away.  A thought that nagged at my sanity when I had just recycled all the library books because circumstances I felt helpless to control ended up resulting in a bleeding head because they had become airborne in the hands of an unsettled toddler.  I knew this feeling to the depths of my toes, to the back of my throat where tears reside.  If there was one dark cloud behind which the monsters of my life reside, it was my inadequacy as a parent making me know I was not worth being loved.

Thankfully I have a husband who believes in forgiveness, imperfection, and trying again and again - not in the beauty of succeeding, but he beauty of trying.  Perhaps this lady had no such person in her life.  Perhaps her judgment of me was merely an outlet for the pent up tenseness that had built inside of her her whole life.  I could only feel horror at how decisively I had judged someone drowning from prejudice,  so incredibly like myself.

I laud Christ for waking the religious world up to their reliance on pride in their actions of righteousness.  He gave the world a taste of true joy from authentic kindness - without caring what the judgment of ones self or others was of the action.  Now I look at my warped idea of following him, and need a wake up call to authentic joy from good.  Good is what makes us truly happy inside.  And I need to somehow lay aside my piety of self righteousness that makes me like or hate myself depending on how I judge myself on my scale of righteousness.

It is like the cotton candy parable.  I love cotton candy!  If I went to the fair and didn't get any cotton candy because I couldn't afford it, and then upon returning home, learned that the cotton candy had been free, would I be sad because I was "bad" for not having gotten to eat cotton candy, or would I be sad because I wanted to eat cotton candy and missed out.  Sin is not happiness.  It is it's own punishment.  We don't need our own, or anybody elses opinions to make us embarrassed or sad for causing our own sorrow by sin. 

And true happiness doesn't come from recognizing where we measure on a scale of righteousness, only from feeling happy deep inside from following our inborn love of doing good.

Exploring!

I have already managed to teach my one year old that exploring and curiosity are bad, or at least not things "approved of" by Mommy.  When I walked around the corner, he started and backed away from initiating an investigation of the myriad unknowns of his world.  Later, he looked up at me questioningly, recognizing I was there, before he reached out to touch something new.  Not in the beautiful hesitancy of trusting a parent, where a parents advice on something potentially scary, is sought.  Not using me as a partner to investigate and navigate the world that has taught him healthy respect and hesitancy, but gut wrenchingly a look for approval. "Will I be pulled hastily away from this 'danger' as well?  I might as well ask, as to reach out my hand for comprehension, only to have it pulled back." 

I dream of being organized enough that I have a large house and yard completely explorable by a 1 year old.  But then, as my child eats dirt and teeths on rocks (large clean ones he can hold in his hand are the best - they are hard and cold and probably taste good and earthy-natural-wild too), I think of all of the "safe" exploration toys on the market for his age group.  Long term safety of gnawing on plastic aside, is this limited bright colored exploration what I really want for my child?  Are bright colors better than what he could get by himself in his real, unpretentious world?  How do I define "better"?  Is it how much knowledge he can find, or what knowledge?  What would he prefer? 

Then words from my favorite book  (I know, I have more than one - or a new one every day, every moment), come back.
    How we want to mimic our parents.  We want to discover their world.  It is not some T.V. hyper plastic world that he wants to discover, that he is unsatiably curious about, but my world.  (Unless of course my world is a "T.V. hyper plastic" one.) 

I love books that capture this sacred longing of children to become like their parents.  This natural motivation that makes learning what they will need in the world they are and will be in, spontaneous.  This instinctual force that makes all play the best suited learning for that individuals life.

        

I just wish he saw me as an exploring partner, not the curiosity police of his domain.