So I really really really wanted something. With as many kids as I have, this is not a good idea, unless you like disappointment. But I was going to be like everybody else, (or at least like I imagined they must be), for just this once.
I planned an impeccable approach. It took me days, but I balanced everything just right, and could see it happening. Right when I could almost touch it, despite my planning and extreme measures I had taken against it, my 5 year old decided to be completely uncooperative for no reason.
I had my cards stacked. I knew her and had taken every measure to make sure this would be what she too wanted. That she wouldn't be too tired, bored, thirsty, hungry, fidgety, or neglected! I had planned for everything!
I lost it on her.
I left the room, and as I pouted, I realized that I had thrown something away that I wanted even more.
As I rushed to my child's side, she smiled and it wasn't like she even forgave me as she hugged me with her trusting hands. She had never even felt a negative feeling towards me, despite my unforgivable behavior.
So often we lament that kids don't come with instruction manuals, but we thinking of it all wrong. We are not here to be perfect parents for our kids. If we were, we would, (I would hope), be much better at it than the vast majority of us are. Are kids are here to teach us, not from a book, but a very real lesson in hands on discovery learning. With their unconditional love and instantaneous forgiveness and utter lack of serious grudge holding, their compliance and lack of arrogance, unlike us, they are perfectly suited to be the teachers.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Asking
Recently someone offended me. Too often this statement is true. But this time, I was so in the right, I had a right to be offended. There was no excuse for their behavior. I believe the only honest approach at this point would be to confront them with the incident. It would be unfair to our relationship and deceitful if I just harbored my feelings in my heart and fake smiled at them whenever I saw them, secretly knowing how horrible they had treated me and those I love. But the question is how to approach them.
Calling them on the insult, and letting my feelings gush out, was my first idea of what I would have to do to be completely honest with them, but the opportunity didn't present itself (this would have to be something I did alone in private), until I had another thought.
What if I just swallowed my anger? I could forgive and move on my merry way and be happy even if I didn't Immediately get a chance to confront them. Whether I had a right to be extremely upset or not, I sure didn't want to be unhappy for any length of time!
But what if this offense continued? What if they did it again? What if their evil intentions expounded and it got worse! Then I might regret not enduring my own anger for a whole day until I got a chance to speak to them.
Then I realized that, despite the horror of their trespassing, this was no different than all the other situations I preach about. I was right; I knew that. But however truly right I might be in the eternal laws of the universe, when I applied it to them, all that mattered is what they believed.
So I backed up and tried to make myself look at it objectively. What if, going out on a dead limb, they really didn't know how wrong they were, or worse, truly believed they were right. At this point with people I get sort of gaggy and want to cut off all contact, run away, and live in the middle of nowhere where people like this can't hurt me! I hate it that people tread on me and believe I am so wrong and that they are so right, that I should not be allowed to exist as I am. "Should not be allowed" I have trigger phrases that say, "Warning, this phrase is almost always incompatible with the cause of freedom!" and that is one of the big ones! Then I realized, in my self righteousness, that "should not be allowed" was the very idea of what I felt about what they had done.
So I took my holier than thou tutu off, and said to myself, can I accept and love them even if they believe they are right in this horrible thing? Can I look at this objectively? Can I realize that no matter what happens, I cannot really control the feelings in their heart? Can I "allow" them that freedom? Is there a freedom of thought in a persons' heart that I can't "allow"? If so, does it matter, as what I do or do not want to allow in another persons heart isn't something I can control, so believing that I shouldn't allow it, only affects me. I am the one frustrated by pounding my head against something I can't change. Would I change it if I could? Would God change it if He could? Can He?
So after I'd calmed down a bit, I realized it was MY problem, and chose (with much difficultly) to address it as such. - So you see, I have this problem, this particular way of being thought of, hurts MY feelings. It isn't that you are "wrong", it is that I am sensitive to that particular thing. Is there any way you could help me out by accommodating my oversensitivities?
So far, when approached like that, I have never had anyone refuse me.
Calling them on the insult, and letting my feelings gush out, was my first idea of what I would have to do to be completely honest with them, but the opportunity didn't present itself (this would have to be something I did alone in private), until I had another thought.
What if I just swallowed my anger? I could forgive and move on my merry way and be happy even if I didn't Immediately get a chance to confront them. Whether I had a right to be extremely upset or not, I sure didn't want to be unhappy for any length of time!
But what if this offense continued? What if they did it again? What if their evil intentions expounded and it got worse! Then I might regret not enduring my own anger for a whole day until I got a chance to speak to them.
Then I realized that, despite the horror of their trespassing, this was no different than all the other situations I preach about. I was right; I knew that. But however truly right I might be in the eternal laws of the universe, when I applied it to them, all that mattered is what they believed.
So I backed up and tried to make myself look at it objectively. What if, going out on a dead limb, they really didn't know how wrong they were, or worse, truly believed they were right. At this point with people I get sort of gaggy and want to cut off all contact, run away, and live in the middle of nowhere where people like this can't hurt me! I hate it that people tread on me and believe I am so wrong and that they are so right, that I should not be allowed to exist as I am. "Should not be allowed" I have trigger phrases that say, "Warning, this phrase is almost always incompatible with the cause of freedom!" and that is one of the big ones! Then I realized, in my self righteousness, that "should not be allowed" was the very idea of what I felt about what they had done.
So I took my holier than thou tutu off, and said to myself, can I accept and love them even if they believe they are right in this horrible thing? Can I look at this objectively? Can I realize that no matter what happens, I cannot really control the feelings in their heart? Can I "allow" them that freedom? Is there a freedom of thought in a persons' heart that I can't "allow"? If so, does it matter, as what I do or do not want to allow in another persons heart isn't something I can control, so believing that I shouldn't allow it, only affects me. I am the one frustrated by pounding my head against something I can't change. Would I change it if I could? Would God change it if He could? Can He?
So after I'd calmed down a bit, I realized it was MY problem, and chose (with much difficultly) to address it as such. - So you see, I have this problem, this particular way of being thought of, hurts MY feelings. It isn't that you are "wrong", it is that I am sensitive to that particular thing. Is there any way you could help me out by accommodating my oversensitivities?
So far, when approached like that, I have never had anyone refuse me.
Leadership
If you are the one making the calls, no matter how much they benefit those you lead more than yourself, you are the one who needs to be grateful for any and all compliance. You are a leader because those who follow you choose for you to be so. However beneficial it may be for them to follow you, if it is not out of choice, you are not a leader, but a dictator.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Love
Love is gratitude. To love someone is to be grateful for them.
Gratitude is letting ourselves be happy because of something.
When we are happy, when we allow ourselves to just enjoy and be happy because of someone, we love them.
Gratitude is letting ourselves be happy because of something.
When we are happy, when we allow ourselves to just enjoy and be happy because of someone, we love them.
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